Surviving in this complex society with complex personalities can be challenging.
Over the decades, countless events have taught what I believe are essential life lessons. They are demanding, but they have kept others and me happy when followed. They may work for you too.
Speak Only When necessary.
Don't be jak ass showing off your basic knowledge. There is no way you can remotely judge the depth of the other person's awareness. Observe but speak only when essential.
Hide Your Insecurity.
Any amount of self-propagation shall not get you any acceptance unless you bring value. It's "OK" to be left out at times, and that's no measure of your calibre or social acceptance. Be available but not imposing.
Never offer advice unless it's life-threatening.
People usually listen to what they want to hear. Let people learn from their own experiences. If you insist, then you are a Blabber. And blabbers are ignored. They are heard only out of compulsion of their position but aren't taken seriously. Otherwise, be prepared to be snubbed or shunned by someone or the group.
Give Just About Sufficient Information.
It may sound mean, but it's not. People love achievement. They are constantly on a "Do it your self" mode. Provide sufficient information for them to get started and find their way. Encourage them if they come back by providing precise clarifications. They shall profusely appreciate you showcasing their achievement in front of others. Otherwise, sucess is their's, and failure is yours.
Want to test it? Show a two-year-old how to arrange blocks on top of each other. Let the kid struggle and make a shaky tower. The kid is all smiling, calps and hugs you. Now, if you had made a perfect tower, not only shall he brake it down but cry loudly. People are grown-up kids.
Never React In Anger.
Never react to Ill-treatment, insult or accidents. Any outburst from your end is a battle losing move, putting you on the pedestal for an act or the word you have delivered in rage. And that's sufficient to change the entire scenario, transforming you into an offender from the victim. And you're are fighting an altogether new battle.
Avoid pleasing people.
You can't buy friends or affection. Pleasing people to receive love or respect is a misconception most have. You make friends by making them feel good and not obligated. An obligation is a debt being paid by tolerating the obligator's company. Love gets love, not gifts. So don't indulge or fall into mistaking barter of favours as friendship.
Understand The difference between Talent and Skill.
It's a Talent and skill game. Talented people are unconsciously competent people in their field. In contrast, others who acquired skills are in a conscious competence zone and shall walk the long and treacherous road of well-guided practice to reach a conscious competence stage. They may never reach the unconscious competence stage.
Exceptions may prove the rule.
Never suppress your desires unless they are nefarious or criminal.
Potential is a disconnect between who you are and what you should or can do. Always remember People usually desire what they like to do best. Attempting to fulfil a desire might unearth the extraordinary potential you have. Passions here is about the achievement of some kind. We are not in any reference to infinite wishes. Infinite wishes are where you don't win or lose, like a holiday, shopping, a great meal, etc.
Never offer anything To anyone until asked for.
Unsolicited information is garbage. Anything given for free is presumed to be latently motivated.
Never commit Something permanently that is not your responsibility.
A huge mistake people make with family and friends. They later have to swallow the bitter pill when accused of folly or loss. So when excited, angry or in a spot, never commit. Delay the decision till it makes sense.
Be Ready for NO, no matter how many times you have helped the individual.
Humans see and perceive the same things differently at different times and in various emotional states. So if you seek favour and someone says "NO." It's Ok. The individual has a situation to handle or doesn't seem to consider you worthy of it. All relationships are transactional and have an expiry date. Learn to say "NO" too, or you serve people way beyond the relationship's expiry date.
An invite doesn't make you the guest of honour.
I have witnessed many people sneaking out or stomping out of a party because of their bloated egos. Wear an attitude that you are just filling in the numbers. It's the attitude to wear. You will enjoy it much more because there are no expectations, and thus no hassles. And remember, people prefer to associate more with hassle-free people socially.
No one is interested in your story.
Even if they know you, they are not interested. Sometimes people sharing your life aren't interested either. So learn to listen. People with motivated intentions may listen to your story. Others might listen so that they can share theirs. Or be misunderstood, criticised, and ignored. Choose well before you share.
Never try and predict your life's journey.
The pandemic was ( hopefully) a great lesson on how fragile our lives can be. My interest is in making our lives happier while we walk this planet. Mostly nothing that happened in my life was ever planned. All I did was try and deliver my best every time I took up an assignment. Be mindful of "deliver my best". I never gauged if the work was big small, good or bad. Luckily for me, things went right. If life had chosen to be very difficult, I could have done little or nothing about it. So plan, but be happy with what you have.
