We are but what our mind believes, and we often don't realize that.
We hold on to certain self-imposed beliefs that do not serve us well. Such beliefs hold us back in achieving our goals and dreams to the extent that they even control our happiness. We are constantly bothered and orchestrating ways to control what will happen in the future, fully aware that most are beyond our control.
We nurture thoughts influenced by the acts, hearsay, advice, guidance, beliefs and nearly everything under the sun to ensure what happens should be in our favour. Thus subconsciously, we have destined the worst shall fall on us in the future. This brings onto us a whole lot of misery, pain and unhappiness.
If people were to think that something good would happen, then all the suffering anxiety would fade away, and they would be happy.
Unfortunately, time and again, when hope meets reality, people are forced to form a negative mindset.
Hope is replaced with despair, and reality changes to a worst-case scenario. Self-pity helpless spiral in too quickly and too often. Ultimately we start to drive pleasure from ruminating over our inadequacies and hoping for the worst to happen to us. And the hunt for a miracle is close on the heels of our resentment spiral. Want of a Miracle brings in the belief system, to which we are trembling cling on, and these beliefs rituals form habits that either raise or lower your pride.
The future is still to arrive; however, our Good habits help us realize opportunities, convert them into achievements, and make us feel good about ourselves. Bad habits make us feel inadequate and can keep us stuck in a rut living in a compunction. If you're mired in thoughts and patterns that make you feel inferior or defeated, it's tough to get motivated. If you think you are one of these, then it's time you did something about it. The remiss of realizing could stem from ignorance or fear of change. These nondescriptive charters are hard to discover.
However, based on specific more common ques listed below, beliefs, see if they help you find lucid similarities with your vapid lifestyle, and attending to them may help you somehow.
1. "I don't seem to get anything right."
People suffering from lack of acceptance across or in meaningful relationships have this constant threat, fear, or inferiority complex. Based on reproach during the formative years, when an action so strongly strived for appreciation is rebuked.
The quell of such suppressed and hurt emotions leave a welded mark on the belief system, as a natural course of correction, one structure their words, action, and thoughts to balance their lives. Sometimes their reactions are interpreted as doubtful, shallow and unintended by others. Finding something missing or compromising affects their professional or personal life. Rarely would it affect both?
Next Step:- Be kind to yourself, don't gun big, take small steps and make sure you achieve what you have set out for, make these small successes as achievements building blocks for confidence, from then, start taking risks and not being afraid to fail.
2. "The Unrealistic perfectionist syndrome."
Having a backup or a plan "B" for everything in life is good to a certain manageable extent. However, striving to your style of perfectionism from everyone around you is an unrealistic expectation. It's like telling someone, "Do what I think." without having a remote realization of how insane it is. We are so self-obsessed with our ideology that nonfulfillment by others makes us irritable, abusive and always unhappy.
This black slime venom of this approach first engulfs the most sensitive relationships. Parents, spouses, siblings and children.
Rationale or counselling are the one-two words for your liberation.
3. "Why do I have to do everything syndrome."
This is when the rubber hits the road when an expected fairytale lifestyle meets reality, the unexpected expectations stare you in the face, or realizing the gap in one's understanding of one's responsibility to situations.
This happens when, in your mind, you're still the teenager around the block who has free Will and doesn't care less, however fortunately or unfortunately, you're wearing many relationship hats, you have a problem.
Even basic role expectations seem daunting. Real-life examples can help; However, counselling may prove to be counterproductive. Analyze what is expected of you from each of the roles, priorities and pin each wheel effectively.
The second reason for this syndrome could be a self-made trap. Humans tend to take the shortest and the easiest route to an issue or desire. If you have set an expectation with examples that you are the go-to man, all will come to you for all resolution. You are taken for granted, never acknowledged, but critically held responsible if something doesn't work.
This one is a tough nut to crack; learning to say " No" is not your type, but you must learn. Or be the tribes' witch doctor for life, used, abused and cursed.
4. "Why am I a people pleaser?"
You were brought up this way "Put everyone's else's needs ahead of yours." irrespective you want to or not. However, you are so well conditioned to put people ahead of you that any deviations leave you feeling guilty, selfish, sleepless, and uncomfortable. You realize that even if you put people first, they surely shall slice you in half at every given opportunity, a
Take a break, do some me-time, get to do something you like; this should make you more confident and assertive.
5. "Procrastination."
Inertia to start doing anything is the biggest roadblock that people face. Capacity, capability or opportunity are not the impediments here. Procrastination can be a significant boulder blocking the entrance to your achieving anything. Meaningless excuses of postponing action can lead to failure or panic, resulting in depression and irritable behaviour.
The answer is where there is Will, there is Way, just that the Will needs to be strong enough. Evaluate and outway the benefits of doing an activity every time.
7. "Pretentious."
The assumption of dignity or importance characterizes them, especially when exaggerated or undeserved: a pretentious, self-important waiter. Making an excessive outward show; ostentatious. Full of pretence or pretension; having no factual basis.
Pretending to be someone you're not just to fit in is exhausting. It also feels inauthentic. Sooner or later, your cover will be blown. In case it's not, then you may suffer from an identity crisis or Dissociative Identity Disorder.
To come out of this is to take off the mask and face the world. It's better is to take medical help.
Conclusion
- Identify the belief you are nurturing.
- Evaluate your thinking partner.
- Identify the source.
- Rationale its existence, estimate its effect and explore if it needs a course correction.
- Ask for help if you need it at any point along the Way.
© Jawahar Dhawan
